What Confidence Really Is
Growing up, I thought confidence meant being happy with what I saw in the mirror.
I thought it meant having a physical appearance that made me feel good about myself. If I liked what I saw in the mirror, I felt “confident” in myself, right?
Wrong.
Now, I’ve gone through my own journey of confidence and self-growth.
I’ve also coached hundreds of professional women in the areas of confidence, leadership, and career development. Through these experiences, I’ve learned that confidence is sooooo much more than just feeling good about what you see in the mirror. 🪞
Confidence is having a mindset of power and control over your own life.
Being confident means ditching the victim mentality. Rather than dwelling on things that are out of your control (like your coworker’s behavior, the economy, or the weather), you take ownership of the things you can control— like how you respond to difficult situations, your daily habits and routines, and the friends you choose to spend time with.
You step up as the leader of your life.
You choose self-autonomy. You know that you are the master of your fate, the captain of your ship. Confidence is steering that ship in the direction that brings you the most joy, fulfillment, and energy.
This past weekend, I was on a solo weekend getaway in Santa Barbara, California. Years ago, a 3-day trip to an unfamiliar city by myself would’ve been somewhat daunting. The old Kate would’ve thought: How do I fill my time? How do I show up at a restaurant alone? What should I do to keep myself entertained? What if something doesn’t go as planned? (Does it ever?!)
None of those thoughts entered my mind last weekend, though. Because this time, I had the courage to move through the weekend with confidence, joy, and a curious excitement.
-I took a 5-hour train ride from San Diego to Santa Barbara and chatted with strangers who sat next to me from Los Angeles, Mexico City, and New Zealand.
-I lost cell phone service and got lost driving through the Santa Ynez Mountains.
-I sang and danced my heart out at a concert, not caring if I looked stupid.
-I kayaked through sea caves in The Channel Islands with a friend from North Carolina who I met minutes before we hopped in the tandem kayak together.
-I went to a 5-star restaurant for a bougie solo dinner date.
And guess what? I had a fanfuckingtastic time doing all of it. The point here is this– I moved through the weekend with joyful confidence– even when things didn’t go according to plan. I took ownership over the weekend and decided that I was going to enjoy every bit of it- from random conversations with strangers to exploring the big blue ocean. The fact that I did it alone came from a mindset of self-assurance and inner-ease. No victim mentality, no seeking external validation, simply at peace with myself– happy & healthy.
Feeling good about your physical appearance is just one tiny aspect of confidence. What confidence really is, is stepping up and taking action in your life to put you closer to that best version of you— that happy, healthy woman going through life as a victor, not a victim.
Many of the professional women I life coach tell me they want to be more confident.
They want to:
✔️ Stop second-guessing themselves and their decisions
✔️ Not rely on other people for approval or validation
✔️ Do things that make them feel like a badass
✔️ Advocate and stand up for themselves at work
✔️ Communicate confidently in personal & professional situations
